Don’t get me wrong; the Princeton Review is a delightful website. I’m not exactly shopping around for colleges anymore, but it’s fun to look up Carleton every once in a while and feel smug about our rankings. “Happiest Students,” “School Runs like Butter,” “Best College Radio Station?” We’re doing well. But Princeton has gotten one thing wrong. The last time I looked Carleton up, what to my wondering eyes should appear? “Campus environment” is listed as “village.”

Sorry, Princeton, but Northfield is no village. I’m not sure how you’re calculating this, perhaps with numerical population cutoffs or something. But the term “village” brings to mind something from 16th century England, which Northfield most definitely is not. Here are some other reasons Northfield is not a village:

• We don’t have a well.
• We do have electricity.
• Last I checked, the area is 100% vampire and mad-scientist free.
• On a related note, Northfield residents to date have never destroyed anything with torches and pitchforks, dangerous or otherwise.
• We have street intersections with stoplights. Really, we do! They’re out by the highway.
• No witch trials.
• If Northfield were to be cut off from the rest of the world, our population is high enough that we run no risk of inbreeding problems.
• Main Street isn’t Main Street, it has a name. It’s called Division.
• I can walk down Division Street and run into people I don’t know.
• If Northfield is a village, where, pray tell, is the village idiot?
• Never witnessed a tractor going down the center of town.
• Economy does not revolve around the growing of corn and soybeans. Wait…