Tag Archives: humor

Going Postal by Terry Pratchett

Discworld_PostalA great book, as is usual from Terry Pratchett, but I had some nagging issues with the plot.

Moist von Lipwing (yes, that’s his real name) is a con man who’s finally gotten caught. Lord Vetinari of Ankh-Morpork gives him a choice: execution, or a job as postmaster-general of a haunted post office. Lipwig takes the job.

From then on, the story has two major plots. The first is a Lovecraftian sort of thing. The post office is shut down, filled with piles of undelivered mail and pigeon guano. The only living beings inside are a creepy old man, his assistant, and a cat. Lipwig must get to the bottom of why all the previous postmasters-general died in this building, and what is the horrible thing that lurks under the floorboards and drives people mad.

And also, the letters are beginning to talk to him.

The other subplot features Reacher Gilt, who owns a vaguely steampunky monopoly on the semaphore lines. He’d like to see Lipwig put out of the way.

I love Moist. He’s a complex character and boy, he grows throughout this book. It’s a foregone conclusion that he hits the fast track from con man to reformed con man, but you totally believe it.

What bothered me about this story is that the Lovecraftian plot gets resolved about halfway through the book. Moist von Lipwig figures out what the abomination is and dispatches one of the major villains. After that, the book is all about the societal issues of technology and monopoly. It’s still good, but it’s a major shift in tone.

And the resolution of the other plot, the Reacher Gilt one, didn’t make much sense to me. But I read the last 1/3 of the book in one sitting, so maybe I missed something.

Recommended. Going Postal is a good standalone and it’s a good way to introduce yourself to the Discworld. And it does a better steampunk than most of the books that advertise themselves as such.

Celebrity Philosopher Smackdown

Mortal: Hmm…
[There are a pair of soft poofs and a man in 19th-century clothing appears on one of the mortal’s shoulders, and a man in 18th-century clothing on the other.]
Kant: You weren’t about to steal paper out of that printer, were you?
Bentham: Well, hurry up and get on with it.
Mortal: Hey, what happened to the angel and demon?
Bentham: They’re on vacation. We’ll take it from here.
Kant: And I’m going to tell you not to steal paper from out of the printers in the library.
Bentham: Oh, come on, Immanuel. The cost to the college is negligible. Paper is what, a fraction of a cent a sheet? Meanwhile the benefit to this mortal here is quite real and immediate.
Mortal: I need to put a sign up about my lost bike.
Bentham: Overall, there’s more good being done than harm.
Kant: [crosses his arms belligerently] Yeah, and what if everybody stole paper from the printer? The college’s paper budget would go up, and they would have to scrimp on other supplies, or raise tuition for the students. That doesn’t sound so harmless.
Mortal: Jeez, you sound like my mother.
Bentham: If they raised tuition, the students would essentially be paying for the paper they took, making the decision morally neutral.
Kant: Utilitarian claptrap.
Bentham: You’d have people do things that are stupid and wrong just to conform to some … general principle! ‘Always tell the truth.’ What if your dear, aged Aunt Ethel wants to know what you thought of that magenta-and-orange sweater she sent you, eh? EH?
Mortal: Guys, guys–
Marx: The paper supply should be socialized.
Kant: Oh, hey, Karl. Long time no see.
Marx: Well, it’s been kind of rough since 1989.
Mortal: What the hell is going on here? I just want my paper.
Marx: If, after long and bloody class warfare, you made the paper publicly available, the people could take paper each according to their needs, and everybody would be happy.
Bentham: [whispers] I told you he was nuts.
Mortal: That doesn’t exactly help with my immediate problem.
Marx: What do I care about your immediate problem? Workers of the world unite!
Kant: Meanwhile, Jeremy, you seem to have the misguided impression that–
Plato: That paper is but a mere shadow of the true Form of Paperness.
Neo: I’ll second that. Wait – what?
Mortal: Guys–
Simpson: Where’s the donuts?
Bentham: Dude, wrong Homer.
Mortal: Guys–
Nietzsche: This conversation is meaningless.
Kierkegaard: You’re all a bunch of idiots!
Mortal: Aaaaaaah!
[The philosophers fall silent for a moment.]
Bentham: Well, looks like we drove another one around the bend.
Kant: [high-fives him] Nice work!